My Testimony

This is very personal, and somewhat difficult to share. I feel like God wants me to share it, though. So, here goes.

I guess I should begin by saying I was raised in a Christian home my entire life. I was the youngest of 3 daughters… a true “Daddy’s girl”. I had been protected all my life.. and even tho I knew vaguely that bad things happen…well, surely it wouldn’t happen to me. I was a daughter of God, right ? Yes… I was very naive. An acquaintance introduced me to a man when I was about 18 or 19. I fell head over heels in love with him: even tho he wasn’t in any kind of church at all. He had been raised Baptist, or so he said. He proposed and I accepted. He was driving a semi cross country at the time. He was from the same area in AR that my dad grew up in– he knew some of my relatives. Several people that I knew tried to convince me not to marry him: they said they didn’t trust him.

Well, in my innocent defense.. I felt like they had no right to judge him when they didn’t know him! My wedding was set for July.. he came to town and for various reasons, he had to leave a couple of days before the wedding. The day dawned beautifully… but the hours went by and there was no groom. I called the church 2 hours before the wedding and cancelled it. I found out later my pastors wife had moved my gown to a different room and she broke down and started crying when she touched it. That family was up all night that night praying for me. But, I didn’t know that then.

My fiance called and made his excuses…he had gotten to town later than he planned. He saw no reason we couldn’t still be married that night…. Well, I believed him yet again.

I postponed the wedding until October though. We got married at my parent’s house. I felt like God had personally blessed me with the “perfect” guy. We moved to Boise, Idaho the next September. All this time, he had been trucking and mostly, I stayed at my parents house except for a month when I rode with him.

I was pregnant with our son when we moved to Idaho in the fall. He agreed to give trucking up so we could be a family.. he did it for me… or so I thought. He never really physically abused me at all. He whipped me, once. Only once. I promised him that if he ever did it again, he would more than regret it. He believed me. He was charming, fun to be around.

By October, I knew there was a lot that he wasn’t telling me. I couldn’t be that naive. He left in November for a “business” trip. He had started his own business.. and because I am a Christian, I won’t get too graphic. I simply found out he made a profit on women and leave it at that.

When I phoned his stepfather, I was informed that he had married me under his brother’s name. He also had a wife and son about 4 hours from where we were living: in Salt Lake City.

Suffice it to say, I took the next plane home. I couldn’t raise my son in that environment. The man broke my heart and for a long time, I allowed it to break my spirit. I raised our son alone, with my folk’s helping. I couldn’t trust anyone, even tho I depended on God to see me thru (and He did !). I never felt like I would ever be happy. That I didn’t even deserve to be. There wasn’t much said from the church family about my divorce (I found out my pastor basically told them they better not !! lol) But, I felt that things were different in how I was treated. I wasn’t asked to teach anymore… or do too much at all. It seemed as though everything I had ever known wasn’t the same, anymore. I felt so helpless and worthless. I lived for my son. I adored him and he made my life worth living.

My ex never had anything to do with us after I left him. The first few years of my son’s life, I was literally in so much emotional pain, I could barely concentrate. My son was my salvation. I felt like such a failure in every other area of my life. Time made it a little better, but I still didn’t trust any man. I knew there would never be one who’d love me & stay with me.

Anyway, I moved to another state in 1996 . In the winter of early 2000, God showed me that there would be more children in my life, a girl and a boy. My son was 16 now, and I saw no way in the world I would ever have more children. I couldn’t afford adoption on my salary! I prayed and told the Lord how impossible that it was. (Remember Sarah in the Bible? lol)

Then, I joined a Christian Single Parents Group online, to mainly converse with people who understood what it mean to be a single parent and a Christian. I met a man there, who knew my every thought and almost could tell what I was thinking before I thought it! We were married three months after we met and I couldn’t be happier. Oh, and guess what? He was divorced with a daughter and a son. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

God does things in HIS time … we just have to remember that HE is in control…not us !

Then.. for some reason… when our son was 20… my ex decided to make contact with him. Thru a series of coincidences, that I never thought I’d see, we have been able to come to peace with our past. We can actually communicate without hatred. Most of the time. Honestly, I had rather never talk to him, but that’s my humanity. I don’t hate him. I don’t. I’d rather ignore him, though.

All I can say is that miracles do indeed happen. I never thought we’d ever hear from him, ever. It’s been a long road, to come from the hurt and pain from where I was, to the peace that I feel right now. I owe it all completely to God. I know that I share my life with the man that God gave me. I have no doubts whatsoever that God designed our marriage. We’ve been married 15 years and we have NEVER had one argument. Not one. We laugh about it. We’ve disagreed, but we’ve never argued.
I am so blessed to know that peace, because I know how close I came to losing it completely and forever. Thank You, Father, for all that You have Blessed me with.

Proverbs 1: 8-19

King James Version Proverbs 1:

8 My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
9 For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck.
10 My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.
11 If they say, Come with us, let us lay wait for blood, let us lurk privily for the innocent without cause:
12 Let us swallow them up alive as the grave; and whole, as those that go down into the pit:
13 We shall find all precious substance, we shall fill our houses with spoil:
14 Cast in thy lot among us; let us all have one purse:
15 My son, walk not thou in the way with them; refrain thy foot from their path:
16 For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood.
17 Surely in vain the net is spread in the sight of any bird.
18 And they lay wait for their own blood; they lurk privily for their own lives.
19 So are the ways of every one that is greedy of gain; which taketh away the life of the owners thereof.

Complete Jewish Bible Proverbs 1:

8 My son, heed the discipline of your father,and do not abandon the teaching of your mother;
9 they will be a garland to grace your head,a medal of honor for your neck.
10 My son, if sinners entice you,don’t go along with them.
11 Suppose they say, “Come with us: we’ll ambush somebody and kill him, we’ll waylay some harmless soul, just for fun;
12 we’ll swallow him alive, like Sh’ol, whole, like those who descend to the pit;
13 we’ll find everything he has of value, we’ll fill our homes with loot!
14 Throw in your lot with us; we’ll share a common purse” —
15 my son, don’t go along with them, don’t set foot on their path;
16 Their feet run to evil,they rush to shed blood.
17 For in vain is the net baited if any bird can see it;
18 rather, they are ambushing themselves to shed their own blood, waylaying themselves.
19 So are the ways of all greedy for gain —it takes the lives of those who get it.

I have previously discussed the value of not only. learning but also receiving, wisdom as we grow in the Lord.Not just in the Lord,but,also, growing and maturing in life. Now, we see that Proverbs is teaching us to “heed the discipline of your father,and do not abandon the teaching of your mother.” Those words alone convey so much. In the world that we live in, especially. Sadly, too many children never have the value of parental teaching and guidance.

For this study, I will simply say that we are taught from birth, practically, to not ignore the words of our parents.
Proverbs teaches that ‘those words of wisdom’ so often ignored by youth… “will be a garland to grace your head, a medal of honor for your neck.”

Not exactly what any rebellious listener, child, or teen… or anyone… wants to hear.The words are true, nevertheless.
How often do we, as parents, teach our children NOT to cross the street without looking first? Not to touch a hot stove?
Not to go with strangers? Not to steal, not to lie? The list goes on. We do it for their protection…not because we enjoy
the sound of our own voices. We do it to ensure their safety and well-being. Just as our Father does for us.

We teach our children to not be afraid to stay true to themsleves; to not follow blindy where others may lead ..simply
to be in “the in crowd.” We teach them to remain strong in their beliefs: that only then, will they be truly happy.
That being part of that crowd may be fun, for awhile….but the feeling goes away and leaves them feeling empty.
That true friends will be there because of who our children are. NOT because of their clothes that day; or the latest hairstyle.
We try to teach them that following the crowd is not always a good thing.

Proverbs tells us that,”if sinners entice you,don’t go along with them.Suppose they say, “Come with us: we’ll ambush somebody
and kill him, we’ll waylay some harmless soul, just for fun; we’ll swallow him alive, like Sh’ol, whole, like those who descend
to the pit;we’ll find everything he has of value, we’ll fill our homes with loot! Throw in your lot with us; we’ll share a
common purse” — don’t go along with them, don’t set foot on their path; Their feet run to evil,they rush to shed blood.”

Sound familiar??? ~ Don’t go with the crowd: don’t follow after strangers.Even if they promise a good time….”let’s do it
for fun!” That crowd will end up possibly being your worst nightmare. As you run, to be “part of the crowd”… it becomes a
net of evil; entrapping you even as a net might entrap a bird. Do not get so caught up in becoming part of the crowd, that you
forget the words of your youth. The Words that haunt your heart…”I love you, my child, I know what’s best for you. Please don’t go down that road”.

Do not get so caught up with “it’s all just fun” lest you forget that you may be setting yourself
up for a heartbreak. A heartbreak that you may never get over. “They are ambushing themselves to shed their own blood, waylaying themselves.
So are the ways of all greedy for gain —it takes the lives of those who get it”. In having so much “fun” you may end up
causing yourself far much more pain that you can even imagine.

I am not trying to tell anyone that having fun is wrong: far from it. I am only trying to stress that we use our hard earned
wisdom in making that choice. Whatever choice that might be. It applies to anything; not just”fun”. Anyone can have fun doing anything.
Eating ice cream can be blast:just ask a two year old! I can have fun just simply  being with someone that I care about. I believe that Proverbs
is teaching us that. Do not be so greedy, or so caught up with following that elusive crowd, that you forget to be YOU.
That you forget the wisdom of those far wiser than you; who have taught you. Do not forget your own wisdom, in making your choices in this life.

Sometimes, I know, that our emotions seem to be more in control than our wisdom. THAT is what we (me included) must attempt to evade.
Our emotions may not always make the best choice. Running with the crowd is fun for a while. Unfortunately,we always have to come home…alone. Can you be alone,and be absolutely happy with the choices that you have made? We can’t always be with the crowd. We have to face the mirror. We have to stare at ourselves, and decide if we can live with our choices.

“A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels: To understand a proverb,
and the interpretation; the words of the wise, and their dark sayings. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge”.

Be Blessed, my friends, as we all grow and learn in His wisdom.

Proverbs 1:3-7

(The Complete Jewish Bible) Proverbs 1:
“3for gaining an intelligently disciplined life,
doing what is right, just and fair;
4 for endowing with caution those who don’t think
and the young person with knowledge and discretion.
5 Someone who is already wise
will hear and learn still more;
someone who already understands
will gain the ability to counsel well;
6 he will understand proverbs, obscure expressions,
the sayings and riddles of the wise.
7 The fear of Adonai is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.”

(King James Version) Proverbs 1:
“3 To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity;
4 To give subtilty to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion.
5 A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:
6 To understand a proverb, and the interpretation; the words of the wise, and their dark sayings.
7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

In my previous post, I discussed the value of “perceiving the words of understanding”. For without perception, reading is a fruitless endeavor. It is a pointless past time. To understand is to fully grasp. Then, we must receive that knowledge. Otherwise, it is simply as  seeing an expensive gift in front of you, but, never reaching out to take it. By receiving it, we “gain an intelligently disciplined life”. We are also equipped to endow with caution those who don’t think and the young person with knowledge and discretion. In other words… those who learn .. TEACH. Sound familiar?
I remember many nights studying over homework that seemed to be beyond my grasp. My father told me, very often, “when you finally see it… it will be as though you always knew and understood.” I had my doubts, but, once again… he was right! Once I grasped that evasive tidbit of knowledge… I had no problems figuring out the rest!
“A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels”. We must always strive to learn.. to seek those who are more knowledgeable than we are…
We cannot allow ourselves to stagnate in our quest for wisdom and perception. “To understand a proverb, and the interpretation; the words of the wise, and their dark sayings.” Our quest for the unknown is never ending…. otherwise, we would not have researchers, or scientists… or engineers… or teachers. If we learn, and if we perceive that which we have learned… then and only then… can we gain an intelligently disciplined life in order to endow the younger generation. Always remembering that “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction”.
For if we do not fear Him… if we do not stand in awe of His Omnipotence…. His Eternal Wisdom…. then our very lives are in vain. We were made to worship Him, in understanding, and in Truth. I will not willingly be a fool who despises wisdom. Teach me, Oh, Lord, Your wisdom.

Through it all……God is with me.

I  have been thinking of that old hymn, “If the  Lord wasn’t walking my my side.”  Those words resonate in my mind.  Knowing  that He is  in control has gotten me through the worst times of my life.  I cannot imagine how I would have gotten through without knowing that He was there.  Helpless? Isolated? Lonley? Terrified? Heart broken?  I have “been there, done that and got the T shirt”.  Without knowing that He  was walking by my side, and carrying me, during the worst times, … I cannot imagine those  scenarios  without that  assurance.

I  gave my heart to Him when I was only 12, and, I have made many mistakes along the way.  No one is perfect. I never claimed that title. I only know in Whom I depend. He has never once failed me, and He never will.  I am so grateful to be His daughter. I am so grateful  just  to know Him. He is my Everything.

When  all else fails; He will never fail.  As  I  grow older; more and more , I realize my inferiority. He is  Omnipotent; I am not. He is  the Alpha and Omega; I am barely a dot in  the middle. All that I am, all that I have, is because of Him. His Grace, His Love, are  the only things in this world that will ever matter.

If  one word that I can say or write, will glorfiy my Lord; then my life is not in vain.  If one word will help alleviate someone’s pain, then, my story is worth  telling.

In all that I do, let Him be glorified. “If the  Lord wasn’t walking my my side.”  Let Him be Glorified!!

God’s Peace Pact

I recently published my first book, now available on Amazon. “God’s Peace Pact”  is an inspirational journey, learning to trust God more in daily life. Through much prayer, realizing an often overlooked promise from God; His peace pact with His children. Endeavoring to discover more about this promise leads you on another path; to learn more about the heart of God and, studying His Everlasting Covenant with His children. Take this journey, and discover His peace pact for your life! His Promise, His Comfort, to His children as they walk with this path called life. You will not be disappointed as you see the Promises of God unfold!     http://www.wanda-nelson.org/

My new mission

I have a new mission: I want to train myself ( and my family) to begin a healthier lifestyle.  My husband and I are both 48, and we both have various health  issues in our genetics. In my family, it seems to be inevitable  that  one of my  sisters, or myself, will end up being a diabetic.  I do not want that in my future, if any preventitive measures actually will work. I already have a  slight  heart arrythmia.

I  want to be around  to see my own  children become mature adults, and to  see their children.      I  want to be part of their lives for a very long time.  I have lived a life, as so many others do,  eating what I  want, when I want.  Maybe  it’s  later than it should have been, but, here goes. I WILL make this change.

I have some new recipes  I want  to  try; low carb. I will let you know how those  turn out.  Hopefully, within a few months, I will  feel much better  than I do now.

Be well, my friends, your body  IS  what  you make it.

My Dad.. my hero… the hardest battle he will ever fight….

My dad.. my wonderful, charismatic dad…. has  Alzheimer’s. He is 80 years  old, and his  health has been failing for  the past several years. He fought bravely through colon cancer, and a heart attack. Last November, he suffered a stroke after his pacemaker quit working.  Now, his mind is fading. My dad doesn’t   deserve this.

He has  been  my hero my entire life. He is  the  one  who got me through puberty, and all the  drama of teen life. He was a trucker/delivery person when I  was young &  I made practically every trip  he did, if   I  wasn’t  in school. He was the one  that  let me move back home  when I  left my ex husband. Dad  was the only father that  my son had ,when he was little.  Dad  was always  the go-to guy.. he could fix anything , mechanical or other wise. I remember  many times my uncle bringing his car to Dad  to fix, after work.  I also remember  my Dad  coming home after work , to receive a  phone call from his sister in Arkansas ( we  lived in Mississippi) , telling him she was running out of  food, and  had no money. She had a family  of 5.  So, Dad  gathered  what  groceries he could, and  made the  4 hour drive to Arkansas , to make sure they all  had food.  That was Dad.  He  always made sure his family had what they needed, whether  he did , or not.

Dad  wasn’t perfect ( none of are ),but, he was  the most  loving man I  have ever met. He  was  the  one all the  kids  went to  for stories. He  is the one who taught  me  that family means everything. He is also the  one who taught me to control that  wonderful family temper……

Dad  also  got me started  in genealogy, without really meaning to. He never knew  much of his family history.. so I  began the task of trying to  find his family tree.. and 20 odd years , and over 17,000 names, later…. I think  I  have completely  satiated  any hunger he may have had,  for  knowledge of his family  history.

All  these memories brings  me to  this day.  I  live 12 hours away  from him, and  I  cannot be there  when he needs me most. My heart  is breaking, and  I cry  until I have no more tears.. then cry  again. I realize the day is  coming when he may not recognize me  when I  do get  to go see him again. My mom  and my older sister are there, doing  what must be done.  I cannot  fathom  the next few months…. or  even weeks.  I  never know what the next phone call will be.

I know  Dad  would not  ever want to be in a world  in which he didn’t recognize  the family that  means  the world to him. I know  he  would never  want to  live in a place where  he couldn’t  comprehend his  grand-daughter  telling him who she is, when he is convinced that  she is  only his niece. When he  is convinced,at night, that  the babies ( all of  whom are adults now),  are hungry, and he has to find them food. He doesn’t understand that  there aren’t any babies  around, and even if    the great grand children were there…. they  definitely aren’t hungry at  3 or 4 a.m. 

The time if  approaching where  we  will  be required  to make a decision that  none of us want to face. We  have to pray desperately  that   God will allow  Dad  to pass with the dignity   that he deserves… or face the uncertain future  of  what we  refuse to fathom… finding long-term care for Dad. Mom can’t  do it alone much  longer… and   two  of their children  ( including me)  live too far away to be of  much help. None of  us want to  put Dad  ANYWHERE  but home….. so….. we are left with  painful decisions  and   heart-break.

We are among  so many other families  that Alzheimer’s  had cruelly torn apart.  Alzheimer’s  has to be the worst  illness ever.  Watching your loved one fade into  a world  that  you cannot  follow  them into.  Seeing  the body that  is  there, but,  knowing  that  the  person  has  crossed  the bridge into  a  place that you cannot go.  I  am  at that place… my  Dad  hasn’t completely  crossed  that bridge…. but,  he is  more than  half way  there. 

Dad…. I want so desperately to  be with you.  To keep you from  going  across.  I  selfishly want  more  time. More years…  I  still want to call you to chat.  I want to hear you  tell me  your stories again. I want you to laugh at the  things the kids do.  I want  you to  be here to tell my grandchildren stories.  Dad, I love you.  Please know that.. please don’t  forget that.   You will always be  my hero.